Tick List
by Curiosity Killed Kristy
Summary: "This notebook," His index finger jabs on the front, "has the ability to grant wishes. Use it wisely." He pats my shoulder, and carries the last box into his shop with a last wave to me. I needed something to write on in class, anyway.


**Summary: **Ichigo has been single for as long as he could remember, and is finally fed up when his friends leave him alone to mingle with their significant other. Going to his last resort, he uses a dating website to find himself _the one, _but is left disappointed when he meets rather _unique _individuals. On his last straw, he asks Rukia for advice and she tells him to write down five qualities he would want in a man and keep it somewhere safe. Ichigo, thinking it is all B.S., helps out an unusual shopkeeper and is skeptical when the man tells him whatever is written in the notebook can come true. Uninvited to another outing by his friends, he does exactly what Rukia has told him, and is surprised to find the man he met on the train in his apartment building's elevator, honing all the qualities on his tick list.

**Genre: Romance/Humor/Fantasy**

**Author's Note: I want to thank **Recklessly Impulsive **for helping me with some segments of this story XD **

**Dedication: This is dedicated to someone new! ^-^ Thanks so much for making a drawing of me, **Aka-chan57**! This fic is all yours ;) **

**Disclaimer: Characters ain't mine :P**

**Warnings: Sex, profanity, OOC-ness (coughIchigocough), suckiness, and… Well, that's basically it! XD**

* * *

**Tick List**

**By Curiosity Killed Kristy**

I stare at the screen, the light burning my retinas. My pointer hovers above the sign-up button. _Still staring._ I feel like slashing the computer down, but this thing cost me an arm and a leg, so that wouldn't be such a bright idea. I've also contemplated ending this pathetic, single life with a dagger instead, but of course, that'd be even stupider. And… I'm still staring!

_Come on, Ichigo! Sign. Up._

Okay, I have five minutes to get this up and running; I can't keep ogling over the freaking website. _Fuck my morals._ I click on the link, and it sends me to a page filled with blank boxes. Warnings bells are ringing in my head, and of course, I want to silence them. One squeaky, little voice is blaring out, _don't do it! A lot of creepos will land on your doorstep!_ Another is a deep, screechy voice, mumbling shit like _you'll be single for the rest of your life,_or _You. Will. Never. Get. LAID._

So, I fucking type my information in, though with mixed feelings. My name, my email, my password. I verify my account, and whoop-de-fucking-do, I'm a member of _Time of Your Life_, the most popular dating website in my town. At least, that's what my midget of a friend said. I have a feeling she lied right through her pearly, little teeth. Who would fucking name a dating website _Time of Your Life_? Either the creators were high as fuck, or they were love-sick men/women who had a thing about sappy lines. _Time of Your Life_? Where do they get their creativity from? Love-struck, hormonal teenagers? I swear I wanna visit the person who made this website, and bash his head on the computer he made it on.

I shake my head, focusing on the task at hand. I have approximately three minutes to get on the bullet train. _I still have time._ I click on my profile page, and burn holes at each empty square. I don't like handing information about myself out into the public. It left me uncomfortable, vulnerable, and open. But, of course I do it. I'm so fucking desperate to be non-single. Do you know how much it fucking hurts to see your freaking best friends entering clubs with partners hooked in their arms?

They get to go with someone, and believe me when I say that it's fucking lonely when all of your friends mingle with their _destined_ ones. They gush and gush about shit such as, "Oh, we went on the Ferris wheel!" or, "We fucked at my place the other night!" It gets tiring, you know? Especially when one of your friends gloat about _face-fucking this bitch last night,_ or _fucking someone_, in general.

"_Hey, Ichi! Know what I did last night? I fu-"_ Of course, the ever-good friend Rukia was, she hauled Renji away with what I'm sure was arguing, and slaps to the head that he deserved. That fire-truck haired bastard does it to rub salt in the wound, and I basically feel even more alone in my single-ness. Breaking down, I asked the elfin Kuchiki about any great dating website, and she had given me this one. The shitty, _Time of Your Life_ dating website. _Where all of your dreams come true._ See what I fucking mean by sappy?

_Birthday: July 15th, 1992_

_This is going against every foundation of sanity you have._

_Height: 5'9_

_You wanted to meet someone in either a coffee shop, or elevator._

_Gender: Male_

_You seriously want to meet someone over a damn website?_

_Preference: Homosexual_

_You. Are. Desperate. Hands down._

I glance at the time and I swear the world wants to screw with me. One minute left. I fucking dash to the door, and nearly topple over my coffee table. I quickly lock the bottom lock, not even bothering to do the same for the top. I tug the strap of my bag on my shoulder, and race down the hall, but then all of a sudden I find myself ass-to-floor. I glare at the individual who had decided to intervene with my steps, and realize that I had knocked into my next-door neighbor. _Ulquiorra._

He's giving me his cold-emo death-stare; like I killed his mother or something. "Hmph," the prick says. "I half expected that you would run into me of all days." I feel my fucking eyebrow twitching. "Watch where you are going, boy. Your idiocy will cause havoc on you, as well as others one day." He walks away with this arrogance to him, and all I wanna do is shove a stick up his ass. Wait; that might actually explain why he's such a douche bag. Forget what I said.

I stand to my feet, and when I'm about to begin sprinting off like fucking Bambii, I find myself _face_-to-floor. "Fuuuuuuck…" I groan. I rub at my face to numb the pain, and I notice the creator of my downfall. There, beneath my shoe, was- what. The fuck. Is that? Is that… a penis sleeve? I stare wide-eyed at the purple sex toy, and I nearly hurl and kick it away from my heel. Is that… _Ulquiorra's?_ Now that I think about it, he _was_ carrying a box out of his apartment, and it more than likely jumped out when I collided with him.

I shudder at the images sprouting in my head. That guy really needs to have sex. _Shit, gotta go!_ I leap onto my feet and scurry out of the apartment building, skipping the elevator. I notice the freaky emo is lugging other boxes into a truck, but I basically just run past him without a glimpse backwards. Illustrations of him _using_ that _thing_ flashes before my eyes, nearly blinding me as I cross the street. I just wanna fucking stab my brain for conjuring up thoughts like that!

"Good morning, Kurosaki-san!" I whip my head around to see who called me, and I see the weird shopkeeper waving his arm in the air. I raise a quizzical eyebrow, and wave back awkwardly. My legs are on fire, and they want to rest- the little bitches- but I force it at the sight of the bullet train. The doors are about to shut, but luckily I slide inside in time, and _un_luckily tackle into this man with blue hair.

I stare at him like a deer in headlights, scrutinizing his hair color. I have a creeping feeling that he's glaring at me, but I'm too focused on the _hair. Blue_ hair. That's something you don't see every day. "What the hell ya staring at, Strawberry?" he hisses through clenched teeth, and that's when I'm brought back to earth, staring into a stranger's predatory, cyan eyes. I blush because one, we're an inch shy from kissing, two, people are staring, and three, the guy's voice was fucking hot.

"Shut up. I'm not staring." I rise to my feet, and he's looking me up and down like he'd have a chance with me. As if- nope, I better stop the denials there. No one can deny this guy's sexiness… What. The hell. Am I. Thinking? _Ignore the thoughts, Ichi._ I sit somewhere, but then this old woman looks like she's having a hard time standing, so the generous guy I was, I let her sit on my spot. _Now I'm back next to cotton-candy man. Stop. Staring._

I can feel his warm breath on my neck, and I feel Ichigo Junior saluting it like fucking sunshine. Okay, game plan. When the doors open, run faster than a cheetah. _Trample over somebody,_ they were in my way. _Trip on something you thought you'd never trip on,_ I'll crawl if I have to. _Get caught and most-likely raped by Hungry Eyes,_ pretend I have epilepsy.

I keep my eyes locked on the window, but I still see him behind me! He's smirking like the cat that got the canary. I wanna smother his face... _With my lips._ I can't even threaten someone correctly in my head with him around! I nearly sigh out loud at the nearing stop, and thank a random god for sparing me. I dash out of the bullet train, and rejoice when I see that the guy is lost somewhere through the throngs of people. _But,_ I gotta say, he actually gave me a little experience of vertigo, which is a feat in itself.

**XOXO**

I exhale with relief when my buttocks are firmly placed on a chair. Rukia's looking at me like I threw sand in her face, while her brother is lecturing us about Microbiology. I dig in my bag for my notebook- wait, where is it? What the- I rummage through the dark abyss that is my bag, and my hand comes out empty and _without_ a notebook. _Where the hell did it go?_ "Kurosaki-kun, would you like to explain what possible microbes could be found in soil that use citrate and succinate, but not acetate?" _Of course. Rukia's ass of a brother has to ask me this question when I have no fucking clue._

I stare wide-eyed, and begin to scratch at my hair out of habit. "Uh-" I start to babble, when the elder Kuchiki raises his hand to interrupt me. _The prick._

"Save your excuses, Kurosaki-san. Please come prepared for class," and with that, emo number two goes back on his little board, scribbling stuff I couldn't write down. _Damn._ I swear I had seen it inside my bag before. Now of all my notes are gone along with it.

"Pst." I rotate my head around to look at the disturber of my thoughts, and steer my eyes onto Rukia. She's holding a pink notebook in her hand, a bunny scrawled from a ballpoint pen drawn on the front. I force the shudder of looking at the terrible drawing down into my system, and instead raise a baffled brow. She points at her composition notebook, and gestures the motion of lending it to me. I sigh in relief, knowing that she had copied the notes I had given her from my _lost_ notebook.

I could fucking turn straight for her right now! I mouth a _thank you_ to her, and she shakes her head at- probably- my _idiocy._

**XOXO**

"Where were you?" _Ah. I should've known she would ask about my tardiness._

"Oh, got a little preoccupied." I scratch at my hair. My _nervous_ reaction. And she catches it! _Damn!_ She raises a groomed eyebrow, and within a blink of an eye, her Chappy notebook smashes my head and I'm screaming bloody murder.

"Fool! You were on that dating website weren't you?" I snatch the notebook from her dainty hands, and raise it in the air so she can't reach it. From my lack of response, she sighs and runs a few digits in her sleek hair. "Ichigo, you don't need someone—"

"Yes. I do. You guys always go into parties and shit without me, and I'm left in the corner doing nothing."

"Yoruichi and I keep you company!" she interjects.

"Yeah, when you're both drunk as hell." She growls.

"Fine, go ahead. But when creeps come up, don't come crying to us."

**XOXO**

I stare at him. He's eerily staring at me. He looks like he's in his thirties; that wasn't too bad. Except for the fact that he looks like he came from a fucking tribe! Lines of black and white were etched on his face professionally, and although the art on him was… Done okay, that didn't excuse the fact that people were staring at him weirdly. Me, in particular.

How the _hell_ did I not see this coming? I looked through all of his fucking pictures, for crying out loud! He had golden eyes, and navy blue hair! He looked fine! But now… _Not_ so fine. "Um… so, what do you do for a living?" Good thing I didn't stutter. But he's still looking at me like I'm meat.

"I experiment." He reaches out for a spoon, and runs a long fingernail- who fucking grows it that long- over it.

"O-on what?" _Damn! I stuttered._ A disturbing grin stretches across his face, and he leans forward, and me being the normal person I was, I backed away.

"Urology."

**XOXO**

Okay, the first person I met on the dating website wasn't so appealing. Scary as shit, too. But I gotta be positive. There are thousands of guys searching for a partner, and I know I'm bound to find someone right for me. _Maybe this one won't let me down._ At this thought, I hear the door bell ring. I rush to the door, but before I open it, I swipe dust off of my clothes. I open the door with a composed face, and I'm met with a male with dark skin, long dread locks, and purple sunglasses placed before his eyes.

"Hi, come on in." He just nods, and crosses the threshold. He fixes his suit, and silence is alternated between us. _This is awkward._ Fortunately, I hear my oven ding, and I almost trip over my feet at the sound of it. _Anything to get away from the silence!_ I whip out the Panko baked chicken and _slowly_ make it onto the table with the glass container in my mitten-clad hands. He's sipping from the glass of water I set out, and I sit down in front of him, nervous as fuck.

_What should I ask? What should I_ do? _Should I ask if he likes the food? Okay, that's good! Ready… Go!_

"So, um, how's the food?" I clear my throat. He glances up from his chomping, and I nearly swallow the chicken leg in my hand whole. I can't even fucking see his eyes- and I'm wondering why the hell I'm not- but he's just looking at me like he's seeing right through me.

"It is decent." _I wanna rip his head off!_ Okay, Ichigo, calm down. Maybe he's got more redeeming qualities other than being _dreadfully honest._

"Uh, what do ya do for a living?"

"I expected you'd know by reading my profile." I gulp down my food with a copious amount of my spit. _Shit! I should've done that!_

"S-sorry, I didn't. I was too… preoccupied with something." I know he sees right through that lie. _He fucking_ looks _through me!_

"Preoccupied with what?" he interjects almost instantly. My eyes widen, while he wipes his mouth with the handkerchief I laid out on the table like a royal diplomat. _Maybe that was his occupation? Ah! Gotta think of an excuse!_

"I-I had to study for a test."

"Oh, for what?" _He doesn't sound interested at all!_

"F-for microbiology."

"So you are studying in a medical school?" _It's like I'm being interrogated for a crime scene!_

"Uh, yeah, I am."

"That is wonderful. You serve justice in our country,"

"O-oh, really?" _Was that a compliment? It didn't sound like it._

"Yes." He suddenly stands to his feet, and looks toward my ceiling like there's something hanging down in his face. He fists the air all of a sudden, and all I do is watch with astonishment. Quite. "In this world, there are far too many crimes and wrongs being committed, and I am a man who stands against it. I vow to rid this world of the evil it has birthed to, and I lay my oath before your hands, Kurosaki Ichigo. You are a witness to my devotion and determination, and together, we shall destroy the irritants that this earth has been plagued with." He lowers himself beside my seat, and takes my hand in his, and I'm…_Freaking. The hell. Out. _"What will you say, my dear comrade? I, in the matters of crime, and you in the matters of tending to the wounded; we will make quite a duo that serves justice eloquently and sufficiently. And with justice, there is love."

"Uh…." _Is he some fucking superhero or some shit?_

**XOXO**

_Dear God, please don't leave me single forever,_ is what I'm praying now, but I know in the deepest recesses of my mind, I'm pleading, _Dear god, please don't leave me a virgin for life._ Right now, the world's the only one fucking me. I'd rather it be a real organ from the male anatomy… _Ahem!_ Let me try not sounding like a whore for once.

Well, Numero Date Two did _not_ end well. I ended up kicking _Justice League_ Man out of my apartment, and he ended up knocking into Ulquiorra since the fucking dude was _blind. As. Fuck._ I hadn't seen that one coming. At all. Not that I have anything against people with disabilities, I really don't. But now I have to live with the rest of my existence knowing I treated a man with blindness awfully. Well, it wasn't like it was _my_ fault. The guy nearly proposed to me in my kitchen! What the hell was I supposed to do?

Say yes so we can strap on our Superman capes and ride off in our invisible carriage? _I don't think so._ Well, at least this one doesn't look too bad. He has abs. Biceps. Triceps. Everything on him was _huge._ I wonder how his… _Okay, Ichigo! Going down the deep end again, I see!_ I look at my watch, and I realize that my date is almost here. _He's late._ Or maybe I'm just too early.

The movie's about to begin and my date hasn't arrived yet. _Shit!_ Just when I think it's another fail of a date, I hear this harsh and deep voice in my ear, and I shiver from the intensity of it. "Hey," he says. "Are ya Kurosaki Ichigo?" I rotate to see who that rumble of a voice belongs to like in one of those cheesy, horror flicks and indeed, a monster is set before my eyes. His canines are glinting from the movie theater lights, and… _I feel like I gotta pee in my pants!_

_He. Was. Enormous._ Again, I ask why to the world. But, I gotta think positive. _He can't be so bad…_ _Through all of that ebony hair, gelled into perfect daggers, and an eye patch that looks like he got it from a thrift store._ I stare like a stampede of bulls suddenly gained wings to fly, and that's when I realize I'm probably hallucinating from the shock I'm irreparably in. "Uh, are you my date?" He just smiles, and it makes my heart palpitate, but not in the good way.

"Now what do ya say we get this movie started?" So, we basically get the tickets. Sit down. And I'm sweating like a pig. He's staring at the screen like he's waiting for a bomb to explode, and _wanting_ it to. It's definitely creeping me the hell out. The entire movie, I'm watching my freaking date instead of the blood and guts spewing on the screen. He _laughs_ each time somebody's head is torn off or sucked by a monster in a closet.

The movie is clearly not creative, but he seems to be enjoying it. Though I can't fathom why. "Hey, Kurosaki, why don't we take this elsewhere?" _Okay, now I'm scared._

"U-uh, but the movie's not finished yet," I try to steer the conversation, _but would it kill him to move back a few inches?_ He just smiles with that murderous tinkle in his eyes, and I'm surprised I haven't urinated in my seat yet. _What if he smiles that way during sex- wait! What if he wants sex… Now?_

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun." I'm mainly pressured by his sharp teeth, and I agree only because I want his face out of _my_ face. I follow behind him like the pansy I am, and I suddenly find myself in an alley. A dark, dark alley. With no one else around. But me and Muscle-Man. "You'll be seeing stars once I'm done with you." _Gulp. No. No way in fucking hell would I have street sex!_

"W-what are you talking about?"

"Our blood and sweat will mix together; hit per hit heightening our end." He approaches me, and I instinctually back away. _If he keeps talking about this S and M shit, I'll rip out his balls. Then he'll see what true S and M really is._

"N-no, seriously, I don't think I'll be going into that too fast."

"Aw, come on, Berry-tan, you'll have fun. I'll make sure to go easy on ya."

"Come any closer, and I'll-I'll-" _What can I possibly do to hurt this guy! He's a fucking block of ice!_

"Hmph, take the first hit. I dare ya." _Wait, what?_ He suddenly holds the edges of his jacket, and rips it apart, and I close my eyes immediately. _Don't fucking flash me on the first night, bastard!_ "I bet ya can't even scratch me." And me being the curious person I was, of course I would open my eyes, and I just see that he's unzipped his jacket and waiting for me to… _Wait, what the hell does he want me to do in the first place?_ "Throw the first punch, berry-head."

_Punch?_ "Did I hear you correctly?" That smile will swallow his face if it gets any wider. He's just standing there… Waiting… "You… Want to fight me?"

"I'm getting impatient here, Strawberry." I have a sudden urge to actually kick him in his jaw. Matter of fact, maybe his mouth. Maybe then that creepy smile will disappear. _Hopefully, forever._ "Time's ticking."

"I'm not going to fight you."

"One..."

"Stop, it's not going to happen."

"Two..."

"Seriously, stop it."

"Once I get to three, you're done for, Strawberry."

"My name's fucking Ichi—"

**XOXO**

She's staring at me like a mother who caught her son stealing pie. She crosses her arms and legs, her girlfriend snickering behind a palm. I want to punch them both. That way they'd have a matching set with my eyes. My sunglasses are perched on the bridge of my nose, shielding my eyes from any peering onlookers. I cross my ankles, and finding no other thing to do, I sip from my juice box. "Did you learn your lesson?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Rukia? You're the one who suggested the website!" I remind her, but all she does is stare with apathy. This is ticking me off. "How the hell was I supposed to know I'd meet a man with an obsession with penises, a man who believes he's a fucking priest who can save the world, and a man with an insatiable lust to rip bodies apart?"

"Didn't I tell you from the start? People on dating websites are not always what they seem," Yoruichi informs. My eyebrow is twitching.

"You never said any of that crap!"

"Yeah, but it's pretty much common knowledge. You meet a guy you don't know on a site, and oh look, he's a pedophile." She shrugs her shoulders without sympathy. _I feel like I'm about to explode._ "There are a lot of freaks on the Internet. You can't expect you'll find someone half normal on there." I slump in my chair, and situate my glasses higher on my face. _I hope my fucking black eye goes away._

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Yoruichi quirks her lips to the side, but I know she has nothing.

"Rukia and I found each other; it's just simple as that. Right, Ruki?" She steers her eyes onto the shorter of the relationship, and the younger Kuchiki seems to be contemplating a hard subject. "Ruki?"

"Actually, I may have a way for you to find someone." I sit up in my chair almost automatically. Yoruichi raises an eyebrow, but who gives a shit? _I'm tuning into the info!_ "Here, get a piece of paper and pen out." I give her a 'huh' look, but she just counters my eyes with a demanding look. I lay out what she's asked me to put down, and she clears her throat. "Okay, I found this so-called technique in a book once. It says all you have to do is write down the qualities you'd want in a man or a woman, but you can only go up to five; after that, just stash the paper away somewhere you can remember it. Then your problems are solved."

I stare at her for what seems like five executive minutes. "And how, pray tell, will this _help_ me?"

"The paper will attract the right person to you, and in my case, it attracted Yoruichi."

"You know I'm not believing you, right?"

"Well, it's your choice. It worked for me. Anyways, on to better subjects." I pout at her for changing the topic. I still have freaking questions! "Renji and the others are arranging another get-together tonight, and so far, everyone's in. Renji wanted me to ask for him since he said you would just reject him in the first place." _Oh, that stung. That really did._ "So, are ya coming?"

Of course, the bell had to ring at that moment, and all three of us stand to our feet to take our lunches into the trash. _Fuck my life._

**XOXO**

I feel exhausted. I feel _alone._ I'm like rice in the fruit basket! Everyone's fucking going to that gathering, and here I am, brooding over the fact that I'm not going with anyone. _Ugh, get it together!_ I continue on my trek home, my messenger bag hanging limply by my side. My feet feel like they'll break off any second now. "Ah, Kurosaki-san! Good afternoon!" I whip my head around to the voice, and I spot a green-and-white striped hat in my peripheral. That weird shopkeeper is waving at me again like he knows me, and it's slightly weird. "Would you mind helping me with something? I'm having a bit trouble with hefting all of these boxes," he yells.

I exhale an irritated sigh, and meander my way over to him. "Thanks so much, Kurosaki-san! I hope you don't mind."

"No, it's all good." _Not._ I'm about to collapse. I lower myself to the sandy ground and lift a box, waddling my way into his shop. "Where should I put this?" He points to a room filled with the same boxes, and I set it down gingerly. I make my way out into the yard, elevating another when I realize that the box is _way_ too heavy. I stumble back and forth, and as if the world didn't hate me enough, I fall forwards, and some books escape the brown cube.

Hats-and-clogs fans himself, while I'm groveling on the ground with the sun beating down on my back. I place the books back into the box, one blue, one orange, and one golden. I ogle at the golden one, swiping the dust off of its front cover. It's embroidered with black lace, shaped as a prowling cat, a crescent moon in between its jaws as the lock. I brush my fingers over it, fascinated by the cat. "You can have it if you want." I'm brought out of my reverie, and the blonde male is smiling at me with jolliness. _Too much_ jolliness.

"Uh, are you sure?"

"Of course! It's a thank-you gift for helping a stranger like me!" _I knew I didn't know him!_ "And I got a little secret to tell you; come hither..." My brows furrow, possibilities running like a marathon in my creative brain. He waves me over, and I lean in, albeit reluctantly. "This notebook," His index finger jabs on the front, "has the ability to grant wishes. Use it wisely." He pats my shoulder, and carries the last box into his shop with a last wave to me, like it didn't weigh a ton at all! I stare at his closed shoji door with disbelief, tucking the notebook in my messenger bag nonetheless. _I needed something to write on in class, anyway._

**XOXO**

_Should I go? No, you have too much work! Fucking do it! No, you're not needy like that. Fuck it, you_ are _needy!_ I think I might be going crazy. I gaze at my phone on my bed, and I notice that I have three missed calls from Rukia, two missed calls from Yoruichi, and four missed calls from Renji. I drive my attention on my clock, and it's one a.m. _Well, there's another wasted event._ All of them are probably home by now, having wild-rabbit sex.

"_The paper will attract the right person to you."_

I shake my head to dislodge the thought process from my mind. _Uh-uh. I don't believe that shit._ I rub at my eyelids, and when I open my eyes, they land on the notebook that the blonde man had given me as a _gift._

"_This notebook has the ability to grant wishes."_

_No. That's so fake._ I bite my lip. Staring. I seem to be doing that more often. _Should I…._Before I have the time to review my actions, I've snatched the notebook into my hands, pulling the pen from behind my ear, flipping to a page devoid of genetics. _Here I am._ Faced with a blank page. Pen in hand. I sneak a look behind me, as if someone will come out and shout, "You've been Punked!"

I tap my pen on the lifeless paper…

"_Write down the qualities you'd want in a man or woman, but you can only go up to five."_

Deeming that nobody was behind me with a camera, recording my idiocy, I begin to write a few qualities I'd want in a guy:

_Sexy_

I'm so shallow.

_Cunning_

I have such a weird kink. Something about a guy having a diabolical mind turns me on.

_Sadistic_

Gotta have a man who can handle my masochistic ways.

_Firm_

My masochist talking.

_Untamed_

MASOCHIST.

**XOXO**

My eyes have been peeled. _Peeled._ And no guy has met my criteria. Well, Shuheii is alright, I guess. But… I think Renji's aiming to get him, so maybe I shouldn't mess with that. Then there's Ogichi… I'd consider him, but we look scarily alike. I don't want to feel like I'm looking in the mirror when I'm making out with him or something. I might as well masturbate if that was the case. _Ugh! There's absolutely no one!_

Maybe I'm just being too picky. I glance at the golden notebook in my hand, swinging it about. I press a button for the elevator, my body ready to shut down. I enter the empty transporter, and lean against the walls. _I just wanna go to sleep._ When I see the elevator doors about to close altogether, a hand interrupts it, and I glare at it. The doors widen apart, the light from the hall flooding the small space. And that's when I notice the man in front of me.

His hair is in disarray. Cerulean eyes deadly and entrancing. Skin olive-toned and impeccable. And did I just see a sparkle? Last time I checked I wasn't in a Twilight movie. God, he's staring! But, he's got the look. He's got the sexiness. Am I drooling? When I think he's not going to get any more attractive, a feral grin spreads on his lips, and I nearly swoon at his feet.

_Hold. The fuck. Up._ Why does he seem oddly familiar? When he crosses the threshold of the elevator, I grasp that I've been gawking at him. I regain my posture, scowl intact, and eyes strayed to the floor. The doors close, and I feel bullets of sweat already raining down on me. He leans against the wall, and I can faintly smell his cologne. _It smells so…_ I nearly sigh at the fragrance, but _I gotta keep focus._ Where did I see this guy?

"Oi, brat." I think my heart just leaped out of my mouth to do the Macarena.

"U-uh, yeah?" _Curse my nervous mechanism!_

"You're the one that bumped inta me on the train and ran off." _So that's where I saw him!_ My eyes jump back onto him, and all I wanna do is melt into the metal flooring. He's staring with these tantalizing, seductive eyes, and…

"Wait, what?" _Great answer, Ichigo!_ I'm like a deer in headlights. I'm on fucking Cloud Nine, and I don't think I'll be coming back down in a while.

"Look, kid, I don't take kindly to being shoved without at least getting in a few hits myself." He's shifting. Over here. In front of me. With both of his arms beside my head. _Towering_ over me. I swallow the excess saliva I'm forming, hoping that my sweat's not too obvious.

"I'm… There's no need to get violent, sir." _I'm so glad I didn't stutter like a fucking girl!_

"Then perhaps ya wouldn't mind apologizing ta me." _Yup. I'm sure he sees my nervousness now._

"Look, everyone gets shoved once in a while." He just smiles at me like he saw the lie crystal clear, and shot it with a gun. "So, if you wouldn't mind, please move." And at that exact moment, the elevator dings its arrival on my floor, and he eases from me, and my breathing returns to normal. I think. He gives me this drop-dead sexy smirk, and I'm still standing glued to my spot. He chuckles to himself, and I feel my cheeks heating up. He opens a room. Next to mine. And the door shuts.

_What the fuck?_

**XOXO**

_Wait. So he's my new neighbor?_ No, can't be. He probably just came to visit Ulquiorra or something. But… Ulquiorra moved a few weeks ago. There was someone bound to stumble upon the apartment. But… _How come it had to be him!_ I was uncomfortable with him on the elevator today. Just think about how I'd be if I saw him every day! I'd probably be sent to an ER through excessive blood loss, or possibly hyperventilation.

I clutch the pillow in my arms tighter. _I'm acting like such a girl!_ I mean, he just lives next door. What's the big deal? _Right?_

…_.What's that thumping?_

I stir in my bed, sitting up and cocking my ear to the sound. _Where the hell was that coming from!_ I rise to my feet, and the music seems to be getting louder and louder. I press my ear against the wall, and indeed, heavy metal is blasting away in _his_ apartment. I growl at his indecency, and stomp my way out of my bedroom and to the door.

My fists bam against the door in my rage, and all I wanna do is sock my hand in his face! I hear the locks turning, and the door creaks open, displaying the man I met on the train/elevator. He's glaring at me like I disturbed something, and in my shyness I peer downwards. My eyes blow up to four times the size it was before, taking in the shirtless man before me. _How many abs are those? One, two, three…_ An eight-pack! _I JUST WANT TO LICK EACH OF THEM- ahem._

"Oh, good, I was waiting for a good lay." He smirks that fucking sexy smirk, _and I just want him to-_

"W-what the hell are you talking about?" I just wanna die on the spot. My blush is consuming all of me! I just know it! A side-grin emerges on his face, and he leans against his door frame, his eyes trailing me from the tips of my orange hairs to my slipper-clad feet. "W-will you stop that?"

"Stop what?" _Oh, for Christ's sake!_ He knows this is causing strain on my fragile heart! He _knows _it!

"L-look, just turn your music down." Goose bumps are marring patches of my skin, and I shiver visibly. His stare is causing all these different temperatures on me! Of course, the freaking bastard he is, he notices my tremor.

"Oh, yeah? What's in it for me?" _He's still looking me up and down! Licking his lips, this time!_ I can't help how Ichigo Junior wants to shake hands with him!

"W-what do you want?" I cross my arms like a petulant child, steering my eyes onto the floor to avoid the thousand shades of blue in his irises.

"What else would I want?" He approaches me out into the hall, and I think I'm seriously not able to breathe. "I wanna fuck you on every available surface I find; lick up everything on ya, and have you begging for more." My face is _immensely_ hot. _Does this man have no shame!_ We barely know each other, and already, he's saying that he wants to fuck me? I mean, yeah, sure, he was incredibly sexy, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he's already coming onto me when I don't even have a clue what his name is.

"S-sorry, but you're not my type." _What? What the hell am I fucking saying! He's definitely my type! Oh, my god, just fuck me!_ But instead of backing off of me, he leans in and I can't decide whether I wanna push him away or let him get closer until I _can't_ run away.

"Is that why you're blushing like a virgin?" If it was even possible, I think my face got even hotter! "Ya know ya can just push me away. Though I can't guarantee I can stop myself." He's gazing at my lips, and I just wanna rise on my toes and do it for him! I can feel his breath on my mouth, his distance from me decreasing.

"Oi, Grimmjow! You're losing points!" He abruptly spins away from me, and a lanky male is standing in the doorway, one violet eye tracking both of our figures.

"Aw, fuck! Yer not gonna beat me even if I do lose some points, Nnoitra." _Can a person be that tall?_

"Keh, whatever," and with that, the praying mantis stalks back into the apartment unit and closes the door behind him. _Gulp._ He turns back to me. And I look at him like I don't know what to do, because I seriously don't. He runs fingers through his unruly, teal locks, and I wanna substitute for those digits.

"Look, this is cute and all, but I ain't gonna beat 'round the bush; I fucking want ya, and I can see that ya want me too, so why don't we take it upon ourselves to do something 'bout it?" I gape at him like a fish. _What's he implying? Th-that we go on a date or something?_

"So… W-what are you saying?"

"I'm sayin' that I'm gonna take ya out; what's your college?"

"Wait, you can't just decide stuff on your own! I can have plans tomorrow!" _I can't believe this guy!_

"Doesn't mean you actually got any. Now tell me what college ya have." He's grinning in my face, and as much as I want to say that I'm not getting aroused by it, I am.

"K-Karakura College." His grin begins to waver, and before I know it, he's chuckling into his palm. _What the fuck's so funny?_

"Wh-why the hell are you laughing!" He just shakes his head, flashing me his canines. _Gulp._

"Just wait for me at the entrance." He begins to turn away from me _without my consent on anything at all_, turning the knob, when I realize the most important thing to know on a date!

"Kurosaki Ichigo." He rotates to face me with a raised eyebrow, and I know he's smiling like a bastard because my name somehow relates to the_strawberry._ "Yours?" I immediately question, not wanting him to make any remarks on my name.

"Hmph, Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques." He stuffs a hand into his pocket, and spins around to enter his home next to mine, but stops midway through and glances at me. "See ya tomorrow… Strawberry."

**XOXO**

_I'm fidgeting. Why am I fidgeting?_ I'm in my last class, and I keep glimpsing over at the clock, watching the minute hand as it descends downwards to land on the hour of five. As soon as the hand points on the number I'm anxious to be met with, the bell dismisses us all, and I stand. Rather shakily. Rukia and Yoruichi glance at me with vexation, but I just walk past them, not up for their questions. Of course they follow me because they're nosy bitches, but I can't do much about it. The Sun floods my senses, and in my midst are women and men alike gawking at something I can't make out.

The ladies are cooing and swooning, while the men are… Well, basically doing the same. I hear an engine revving, and that's when I notice cobalt tresses swaying in the wind, the crowds dispersing to display a man on a navy blue Puget Sound motorcycle, sunglasses on and a V-neck shirt lifting with the breeze like a boss. A cigarette's perched on his lips, the smoke wafting in the air. _Am I at a photo shoot?_

"Oi, yer late," he calls out when his eyes land on mine after lifting his dark glasses. I knock out of my trance, and cautiously stride over to him. Rukia and Yoruichi stare at me with dilated eyes, probably thinking of how I snagged a guy as hot as Grimmjow.

"Whatever. I'm here now." He lends me a black helmet, and I strap it on, jumping onto the vehicle. The motorcycle surges beneath us, and the people surrounding us back off. "Um, so, where are we going?" _Okay, I have to admit it, I'm nervous._

"Dunno." He shrugs, and I basically just gape at him. _I think I'm going on a date with an idiot._ "Well, ya better hang on tight if ya don't want to fall off." The motorcycle instantaneously lurches, and in my sudden panic, I wrap my arms around him, and he's chuckling.

"S-shut up!" I hiss, and he just cackles louder. I glimpse over at Rukia and her girlfriend, and they're smiling the you're-gonna-have-a-long-naughty-night smile. The motorcycle swerves to curve around, an open path created by the students as he stomps on the pedal, and before I know it, we're off. Our hair whips behind us, and I hold onto him for dear life! I can feel his flexing abdominal muscles, and the heat overtakes my face. Again. _God, his body feels amazing!_

**XOXO**

"You took us to the park?" I question, as he divests himself of his helmet, putting both of ours under the lift-up seat.

"Why? Wanted to cuddle up in a movie theater, or something?"

"N-no! I-I just never had a date at a park before," I quickly object. He just grins at me, and begins to walk a path I'm not familiar with. It's funny how I've lived here for so long, but I've never actually visited this place. I rush after him immediately, the silence causing me to sweat. _It's too quiet! Um, what should I say? Think Ichigo!_ "So… What do ya wanna do?" And that's when I notice that he's ignoring me, and looking somewhere else! "Hello? Grimmjow?" I wave my hand in front his face, and he suddenly snatches my wrist into his hand, and begins to haul me somewhere. "O-oi, where are we going?"

"Let's go bowling." He's smiling that one smirk that gets me overly horny and overly jumpy.

"Bowling?" I ask incredulously. And like last night, I'm practically forced against my will, clad in rented bowling shoes.

"How 'bout we make this interestin'?" I cock an eyebrow at him, and he's still smiling that devilish smirk. "Whoever loses has ta to do whatever the winner tells them ta." I narrow my eyes at him in suspicion. I contemplate over the challenge, as he picks a bowling ball in his hand, and awaits my decision.

"…. You're on," That smile of his widens, and it's _really_ beginning to scare me. He starts to aim at the bowling pins, when he halts and strides over to me in a few steps. He grasps my lower arm, and pulls me close, his lips hovering by my ear.

"Remember what I said; loser gets ta do _whatever_ the winner says." I think I'm frozen where I'm standing. But, when he releases me, I feel the heat recollect in my fingertips, and before he has the time to free the ball, I grab one into my hand, letting go of it to land squarely in the middle to make a strike. He stares like I've killed the president, and I stare in much of the same manner. "Hmph, ya shouldn't have done that." _Gulp._ He lifts the bowling ball in his hand, backing a few steps to rush forward and let it go. _Strike!_ The stupid screen above us shouts, flashing the words in bold lettering. I glare at it. It didn't rejoice for _my_ victory!

He smirks at me, and I wanna punch him! He brushes his fingers over the bowling balls, optioning for a heavier one than his last and I gawk at him as he raises it in front of his face; without much ado at all, he scores another strike with the _heavier_ one. I shake my head out of my daze, and steer them onto the bowling balls in a rack. _He thinks he's all boss with big balls. Pun intended._ I choose an even heavier one than his, and heft it upwards, trying to still my arms from their shaking. I blow out a breath, and close my eyes. _You got this, Ichi._ I release the ball from my hold, and hear the loud crash of pins crashing to the floor. I open my eyes, and _damn it all! I have one still standing!_

He doesn't waste time to brag about it in my face. He trots back to the rack, and he selects a 14-pound bowling ball into his hand, and I'm awaiting his next move. _Please don't get it! Please don't get it! Please don't get it!_ I'm begging like a petulant child. I'm raining drops of sweat, palms clammy, and armpits heated. _Imagine what he'd tell me to do for him…_Wait… It might not actually be that bad- Oh, focus, Ichigo! Ya have to win this challenge; ya can't feed his ego anymore than it has.

_Strike!_ My eyes dilate from the outburst, and I snap my head upwards at the blinking screen. My mouth about wipes the floor at his victory, and he's smiling that one sexy smirk I can't deny! But… _I have to win!_ I stomp over to the rack. Peer at all of the balls. And I pick the heaviest of the heaviest: the 16-pound bowling ball. When I lift it into my arms, I nearly topple over at the weight, but I hold on strong. _I am not going to show him I'm weak!_ I raise the ball upwards with all my might, and ease out a trembling breath. _Here goes nothing…_

**XOXO**

"Heh, I guess I win." I trudge alongside him, feeling defeated and slightly humiliated.

"Sh-shut the hell up!" I can only remember the crack of the wooden floorboards as the bowling bowl collided with it. The manager had kicked us out, and luckily he hadn't charged us for the wreck of his bowling alley. _But the fact still remained that I had fucking lost! Pathetically, at that!_ He chuckles beside me, and it makes my head feel like it's on fire! _What is he going to make me do? Am I doomed? Or should I be eternally grateful?_ I peek upwards, and I see that he's immobile… and staring at the lake. _Oh, god! I hope it doesn't turn into one of those cliché's where the guy says that I'm more beautiful than the moon or lake, or whichever it is!_

I wait for what I'm dreadfully anticipating, when he suddenly just runs towards it like a madman. He goes to the edge where the lampposts aren't shining down, and then he begins to… _Undress… Gulp._ "O-oi, what the hell do ya think you're doing?" I shout at him from where I stand. He just laughs, and shimmies out of his pants, and I am faced with one of the hottest bodies I have _ever_ seen in my life. Even porn or model magazines couldn't top him! Long, hard plains of skin meet my eyes, and they are nothing but excited to roam over his expanse of muscle and masculinity.

"Come 'ere." I blink at him.

"Why?" I'm afraid if I get any closer, I'll seriously go into cardiac arrest.

"I won the challenge, so do it." _Ugh! He's a bastard! A bastard!_ I reluctantly stride over to where he is, and he's smiling wolfishly at me. Luckily he still has his boxers on, or else I'd be a goner by now. "… Strip." I do a whip-lash at him. _Bastardsaywhat?_

"I-I am not going on a naked run with you."

"Pussy." I grit my teeth. He is seriously grinding on my nerves. I cock an eyebrow at him, sparing a glance around me in each direction. The streets are all deserted, and no sign of inhabitants in the town are present. With a last sigh, I throw my shirt over my head, and shrug off my jeans with my hips. I notice that he's eyeing me up and down again, and I suck a breath at his hungry stare.

"There, happy now?" He suddenly snaps his irises back onto mine, and I feel like my head's about to explode. He just nods his head, and with a stretch of his arm, he wades into the lake with nary a glance. "G-Grimmjow! What the hell! There can be protozoa, and the poli-"

"Hey, relax, will ya? Nothing's gonna happen." He scoops water into his hand and brushes it through his hair as he shakes it around. _That… was fucking sexy to boot._ "Get in."

And again I ask, "W-what?"

"Get in. _Now._" _Germs! Germs! Police! Police!_ They're ringing in my head like roaming fleas! Before I have the time to retort, he's already approaching me with this feral grace to him, and all I can do is watch. He sweeps me off of my feet, and carries me over the water only to plop me into it with a horrible splash.

"Grimmjow!" I sputter, "what the hell was that all about?"

"You were taking too long." He drags his fingers through his hair, and I just want to watch him do it all day. He catches my gaze at him, and he grins from ear to ear. He instantaneously pulls me towards his toned body, and I nearly sigh in bliss. Pecs, abs, biceps, triceps, muscle galore! He is the man in my wet dreams! I shake out of my thoughts when I feel his warm hands rub at my lower back, and I nearly purr in approval. He's drawing soothing circles, and I could let him do it to me all night. He licks the shell of my ear, and that's when I truly release a gasp. He locks it with his teeth, and blows a hot breath that tickles me. "Ya know? I got a little secret."

"W-what?" I'm too dazed to even think straight.

"I won a championship for bowling last year." I stay there. Frozen. _He… Won last year… So… He had planned this all along?_ Once the information's sunk into my mind, I shove him away and splash water in his face. He chuckles at my anger, and hell yeah, I'm pissed!

"You fucking knew you'd win it, so why would you suggest the challenge, you bastard!" My arms paddle back and forth to cause water to splatter against him, and he just guffaws harder. _He pisses me off!_ I suddenly feel two strong grips on my wrists, and my uncoordinated bashing on the water halts.

"Sometimes ya gotta play dirty…" He's smiling the sexy one; I avoid biting my lip, "to get what ya want." He brings his eyes on my glistening lips, and I stare at his approaching ones.

_Sexy_, check. Sexy as hell at that. _Cunning_, check. It's turning me on. _Sadistic_, check, check, check! My masochist is begging for him! _Firm_, check. He'll shoot for anything he wants. _Untamed_, check, check, check, check! I want him, and he wants me. Shit. He's nearing me. Closer and closer, our breaths mingling into one. His lips are less than a centimeter away… Before bright lights are flashing on us, and we blink out of our stupor. "Hey, what are you two doing in the lake? Get out of there!" _Fuck! Police!_

Luckily they're in the car, so Grimmjow and I rush out of the water, grabbing for our clothes, racing to his motorcycle in less than a minute. The police are chasing us from afar, but Grimmjow has already started the engine, and we're driving off, laughing at the two men pursuing us futilely.

**XOXO**

We're still laughing as he locks his apartment door. I lean against a wall, clutching at my stomach, although I'm shivering uncontrollably. We hadn't bothered to dry on our way to the motorcycle, so we had driven through the night naked and wet against the powerful wind. _Fucking horrible,_ but fun as hell. My chuckles die down with his, and he's eyeing me again. "U-um, can I use your shower?" He shrugs, and I take that chance to charge into his bathroom. My heart's beating erratically behind my ribcage, and I wanna shoot it! But, of course I can't. I have no gun.

I have no idea why I didn't just call the night off. After all, _my apartment is right next to his._ But, it's too late now. I know he'd think I'm a coward if I just suddenly will myself out of here. So… _I have to deal; no matter how the idea of me being naked in his apartment seems like not such a good idea._ The water spurts from the showerhead, and I feel the coldness of it crash onto the skin of my palm. I wait for it to warm up, and when I think it's hot enough, I ease in. I scrub at my skin like my life depends on it.

_Okay, body soap, down! Shampoo, in progress._ The soap from my hair seeps down the drain, and not allowing another moment to waste, I begin to search for the conditioner. I search the bathtub, and finding that it wasn't in front of me, I look _behind_ me- "AAAH!" I scream bloody hell when I see a cross-armed, sinister/smug grinning Grimmjow in front of me. He's leaning against the wall, while I skid onto my side of the wall and cling onto the tiles plastered on it. "W-w-what the hell are you doing in here!"

He leans back on his elbows and pushes off, standing straight and above me. "You were taking too long; got bored. Entertain me." He places both palms besides my head, peering up and down on me again. I blush at the fact that I'm _completely_ naked in front of him, and push him away, and _god almighty_- _I feel his fucking chest!_

My blush intensifies, and he takes the time of my distraction to pin my wrists beside me. "Look, I'm not patient like you. When I want somethin', I get it; it just so happens that you're something I want." He's glancing at my lips, and I can feel my breath mingling with his.

"… Then do something about it," I voice out with no croaks, no hesitancies, no stuttering. It's clear, and I can't help but rejoice inside my head! But… that's shot down to shit when I see that infamous smirk on his mouth, and in less than a second, I feel his lips crashing against mine, teeth clanging, and tongues battling. I try to push his appendage back, but he overpowers me right when he sees I'm attempting to lead the kiss. "Mmph..." I wrap my arms around his neck, his palms caressing my back. I feel them lower towards my ass, and I don't complain. He hefts me upwards, and almost instinctually, I surround his hips with my toned legs.

I feel our groins touch, and we both grunt in approval. He continually grinds against my throbbing organ, and I sigh in bliss. He abruptly ends the explosive kiss, and I'm left disappointed and whining. He grins, ducking his head to scrape his teeth against my shoulder. He licks a trail on my clavicle, leading up to my neck, and I close my eyes at the sensation. I elongate my neck for him, as he suckles on my pulse. I grip at his cyan hair; he growls from my tight hold. I seriously can't undo myself from him if that's what he wants.

His fingers run down the expanse of my abdomen and I stifle a moan from his soft touch. He twirls a tangerine hair, and I swallow air from how close he is to my arousal. "… Please…" _Okay, that is_ not _what I wanted to come out!_ His lips on my neck ascend at the corners, as his five digits circle my length and pull back and forth. I shudder at his ministrations. _God, it feels so warm…_ His hand tightens around me and I gasp from the tautness. He speeds up, and I'm left in a moaning frenzy. By now, I know my face is as red as James from fucking Thomas and Friends.

As his hand strokes me, the other is wandering down the cleft of my ass. I feel his finger begin to protrude the first ring of my entrance… And that's when my senses kick back into force. _I was not going to lose my virginity in a_ bathtub_. _"W-wait, wait-" His finger halts from entering me, and I exhale a sigh of relief. "I-I don't want to… do _it_ in here." He gazes at me with vexation, and it suddenly morphs to a fiendish grin when it finally dawns on him.

"Oh, so yer one o' those _bedroom_ types." He reaches behind me to turn the water off, and I sputter at his implication.

"I-I'm not! I-I just want it to be… memorable… is all," I trail off in a whisper, as he glimpses at me with a cocked eyebrow. I swallow at the possible thought processes roaming in his mind: _This dude is wacko. He's a pussy; literally. Memorable? It's sex. Hah! He's definitely a bedroom type._ I feel liquids trickle down my skin, and it's not water from the shower.

He suddenly lurches the door from the bathtub, and he carries me out like a fucking toddler. "H-hey! Wh-what are you doing?" When we enter his bedroom, the air conditioner blows cold air on me and I shiver visibly. _I'm sopping wet!_ He lets go of me, and I tumble on his blanketed bed, the water from my skin soaking it. _I'm glad that we're not on my bed; there'd be a big puddle on it!_

"I'm making it memorable, though it'd be memorable anywhere with me." _Cocky bastard. Speaking of that…_ I glance at his size, and I gape at the sight. _How _the hell _was that going to fit?_ "Ya should'da said you were a virgin before."

"Hey! I-I never said I was!" _But, I am… Sadly._

"Doesn't mean you aren't." But before I have the time to retort, he's taken my lips hostage, and I'm literally shut up. His tongue wrestles with mine once again, and this time, I admit defeat. He smirks at my submissiveness, but I ignore it. Instead I whirl him onto his back, straddling him with the knowledge of _absolutely nothing_ on sex. _What was the point in watching all of that gay porn then!_ The bastard has the nerve to cross his arms behind his head, peering up at me with a saucy smirk. _I'll fucking show him how much of a virgin I am._

I lock lips with him yet again, and though I'm leading right now, he _still_ dominates the kiss. I can't help but moan into his mouth at his loops and whirls on my tongue. I break our lip contact, a trail of saliva between us. I trudge lower with my lips, mapping out his corded neck, kissing his Adam's apple. It bobs when he swallows, my hands straying downwards to feel the sturdiness of his chest, twisting around a nipple. He grunts his approval, and I take it as a sign to move on. My tongue leaves a path on his stomach, _and the bastard fucking chuckles!_

I smother the urge of biting his flesh in the recesses of my mind, and continue on my trek downwards. My chin meets with his blue tufts of hair, and I feel my heart pitter-pattering against my chest. _This would be my first blow job._ I gulp down my nervousness, grasping his hot and heavy appendage in my hand, stroking lightly. He hisses at the contact, and I see the demand in his eyes. _He wants my tongue, not my hand._ I feel my perspiration slide down the nape of my neck. I tentatively lick at a prominent vein on his rod, and his hips buck involuntarily. I swirl my tongue on his mushroom head, and he releases an animalistic groan. His precum seeps from his tip, and I gather it into my mouth like candy, my lips widening to allow him access into my slick passage.

I'm careful not to let my teeth graze his skin. I bob my head on his cock, my pace quickening from plain greediness. _I've never been so greedy in my life._ I want more of him, and it seems he wants more of me, too. He attaches his fingers in my hair like glue, and he leads my velocity with harsh bucks of his hips and pulling hands. I relax myself, letting him control and direct my mouth. His taste has this musky undertone to it, and I can't say he's not delectable, because he really is. "Mmm…" I hum in pleasure, and the vibration causes him to jerk faster into my mouth.

"Heh, yer a natural," he comments, but I can barely hear him at the roar of hunger for him in my groin. I'm happy to say that I have accomplished deep-throating on my first time. But no time to think about that. His grip on my hair's gotten tighter, and I know he's close. I hollow my cheeks more, and a deep chuckle rumbles from his chest. I twirl my tongue around his tip, and he exhales a shaky breath. His precum tastes salty and sweet in mouth and it mildly reminds me of pretzel M&M's. He abruptly snatches my head away from him, and without preamble, his cum sprays across my face and I have a sickening feeling in my gut- _I actually liked it._

He stares at the masterpiece that he has made of me and smiles maniacally. I lick at the residing semen on my lips, and his smile widens. _I know what he wants me to fucking do. The prick._ He wants me to search for any of his remaining essence on my face, and swallow it all like honey. Though the idea is awkward to me, I do it for the fact that I don't want him fucking me with his jizz all over my face. I scrape my finished work off of my face, collecting them on my finger only to dip into my mouth with a wandering tongue. He watches my lips close in on my index finger, and believe me when I say that that wasn't a very brilliant idea.

He throws me back-first on the bed, and I find myself gazing up at him with slight fear pattering down my spine. He lowers his lips to mine, and the battle begins again. "Mm… mmgh..."

"I'm gonna make this real memorable for ya," he whispers haughtily in my reddened ear. When I think he's about to sink his teeth in my neck again, he leans over my body and pulls a drawer open, rummaging for something. He snatches a bottle the size of my lotion container and snaps the top open with his thumb, squirting a copious amount of the clear liquid on his palm. I faintly smell the scent of strawberries, and I glare at him.

"Please tell me that it's a coincidence that the lube is strawberry-scented?" He smirks at me with a wink, and I growl my displeasure. And because he loves to interrupt my rants about his indecency, he wiggles a finger into my unprepared ass and I yelp in surprise. "H-hey! Warn me next time, will you?" I complain, as he pumps his digit inside me in a sort of rhythm.

"Is the princess so tight he can't handle one finger?"

"F-fuck you!" I suck a breath in, the sensation weird and new. He lowers his lips beside my ear, and I wanna turn away but what if he wants to nibble on it? Ears are my fucking enemies.

"I'm the only one doing the fuckin' 'ere, _Strawberry._" He joins another finger with his first, and it feels even more foreign. He takes my hardened member into his hand and begins to pump it with his fingers, and it feels slightly better. But it still feels uncomfortable nonetheless. _Come on, Ichigo! It's just fingers! Just fingers. Just fingers. Just-_

"Fuck!"

"Hah! Found it!" he yells in triumph, and that's when I feel another finger slide into my passage, and I inhale from the forcing digits. His fingers speed up with the rhythm, and I find myself holding my breath at the slickness and brutality.

"S-slow it… Down… Augh…" I feel like I'm getting pulled in and out of consciousness, like I can't grasp reality from dreamland. He keeps pressing these buttons inside me, and I've read somewhere that it was called the prostate. _It feels fucking good._ Without much thinking at all, I begin to press back on his fingers, and he picks up on this. I gasp at each time the tip of his fingers reach my gland and I'm almost tempted to just wrap my fingers around myself to get myself closer to nirvana. "Ah-hah…."

His fingers abruptly disappear from within me, and I hear him smirk. I feel the blunt tip of his penis at my ass, and before I have the time to rethink the situation, he's pierced me to the hilt, lube and all. "Ah! Fuck, shit!" I bite my lip, trying to will away the horrible pain in my lower back, but it's not working its wonders on me. "Hah, hah, hah…" I try to breathe. _I want it out!_ How can people fucking think this feels good? It hurts like a _bitch!_

"Oi, relax. Yer gonna tear my dick off," he relays to me.

"Oh, _sorry_ for hurting _you!_" _How dare he say shit like that when I'm the one in excruciating pain!_

"If ya don't relax, it's gonna hurt ya more, jackass!"

"H-how… Can this possibly hurt more?" I grit through my teeth. He instantaneously snaps his hips forward, and I scream out at the immense hurt it drives me through. "S-shit! Why the hell… Did you push!"

"Relax…" he whispers in my ear. "'Cause I'm not waiting anymore," and with that, he adjusts his hips, extricating himself from me nearly to the tip, and reentering me.

"Auuh!" _It hurts like a fucking cunt!_ He pulls back yet again, breaking me in half. _Fucking motherfucker-_ He shushes me by exploring my mouth. _How the hell was this supposed to feel good? How? How!_ "Ah!" I yelp, when I feel the sudden jolt of electricity whizz through my body with his deep plunge. He smirks at me, and I wanna rip his balls off! "Hah-ah!" I can't think…. _It feels… so… good…_

"That's it, Ichigo." I shudder at how he says my name. "Relax…" I don't know if I'm being brainwashed by his voice, or by his pummeling penis, but I do nothing but oblige. He captures my lips, and I hear my blood singing in my ears, my desire of wanting to reach climax roaring. He grabs the back of my knees, widening them apart- _when did I get so flexible?_ The angle allows him more access into my body, and I arch from the bed, wrenching the sheets in my fists.

"Ah-ah, Grimm… Jow… hah..." He licks my shoulder, and I tremble at his light touches. He fondles my nipples, hardening them into firm buds. "F-faster… _Please…_" I beg him, seeing him through half-laden eyes. "Ah, ah, ah, hah…" I moan erratically, his pistons on jackhammer mode. _Is this how I'm going to die? From immense pleasure?_ I'd probably be put into that 1000 Ways to Die television show. _Kurosaki Ichigo: death from multiple prostate jabs. Brain dead from too much stimulation._ "Hah, hah, ah, _ah!"_ He heightens my death by stroking me along with his thrusts. _I'm so close… so… so close!_ "Hah! Oh, ah!" My essence paints my chest and his, as he continuously enters me to reach his own bliss.

"Fuck, Ichi, you're so fucking tight…" _I feel like my brain's dead._ His grunt in my ear is animalistic and gravelly, his cum spreading to all sides of my walls, and exiting from overflow. His breaths are warm and moist on my neck, as my arms surround his shoulders and my legs around his hips. "Oi, Ichi…"

"Hmm?"

"... Let's fuck again."

_Yeah… I died…_

**XOXO**

_Jesus Christ! He's a beast!_ I straighten my back when Yoruichi switches her gaze onto me from her girlfriend. She grins from ear to ear, knowing I've been limping from class to class all day. "Oh, I'm so proud of you, Ichigo!" She suddenly grabs me from my walk to Aizen's class, pressing me against her voluptuousness.

"Y-Yoruichi…. Lemme go!" I try to inhale as much air as I can muster, but that's impossible with her nearly suffocating me. When she finally releases me, a smack to my ass gets me whirring around and I glare at the person who did it.

"Damn! Ichi's not a virgin, anymore!" the fire-truck haired bastard exclaims, announcing it throughout the halls.

"Shut the hell up, bastard!" I jab at his face, and luckily I had smacked his nose. He clutches his nose, and I grin in triumph. "Hmph, you deserved that, you prick." I cross my arms, shooting him death glares I know can pierce. The bell suddenly chimes, and Rukia and I look at each other. We wave goodbye to them both, and we arrive in class a few minutes late, but Aizen wasn't looking so it wasn't such a big deal. We make it in the back of the class, sitting ourselves in our usual seats.

"All right, class, turn to page 615 in your textbooks, and we'll get started." I heft the heavy-as-hell book onto my desk, and flip onto the page with a yawn and stretch. "Oh, we have a new student today, it seems. Everyone, please greet Grimmjow Jeagerjaques." I stiffen at the mention of the name, shifting my eyes towards the door, and they dilate visibly.

"Sup, assholes. Touch Ichi, and my fist will be up _yer_ asses." I gawk at him, while the other students rotate their heads to stare at me with confusion. Rukia giggles beside me.

_I should rip that list up…  
_

* * *

***dies from exhaustion* That was so much work! DX I'm so sorry it took such a long time to come out, Aka-chan57. I tried my best, but I got so busy! T.T Please forgive me! And also, please forgive me for making this suck! DDDX I'm not good with humor! At all! I tried my best ;-; Oh, and this is just how I think Ichi's mind works, and what he'd want to say out loud but doesn't ^-^ Anyways, please review, and PLEASE NO FLAMES. I know it sucked Y-Y so I don't need to know even more! DDX**


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